The morning after the night before

Should you sleep with a man on the first date? Well, the obvious answer from a man's point of view is "Yes, please!" However, it is here that you'll run into the worst of men's double standards - which I'm ashamed of, obviously, but still can't seem to avoid.

I have a friend named Tom who goes to clubs a lot; he has the gift of the gab and is very successful in meeting ladies and bringing them back to his house. However, any woman that he sleeps with he never rings again, even if he actually likes them a lot.

His reasoning is that if they are prepared to sleep with him that quickly and casually, then they don't respect themselves enough - and he wants to date 'someone with some class'.

As I said: double standards. I was always a little shocked by this attitude up until the point that I realised that I share it myself. I had a first date with a girl whom I knew only slightly - and one thing led to another after I took her home.

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I liked the girl and we had got along very well all evening; the sex was great and very much appreciated at the time... I just didn't bother to see her again, and made up excuses as to why I couldn't go out.

Shameful behaviour - but something it seems that many men do. Although we will never give women any indication of it in advance: if you offer us a chance of having sex with you, we will take it.

Having said all of that, however, a lot does seem to rely on the type of woman. It may come down to what the man is expecting from this date - the age-old question of 'shag, date or marry?'

If a man goes into a date with no expectations other than some great no-strings sex, then he may well carry on the relationship, if only on that basis, if the first date ends up in the sack. The trouble is when someone he is expecting to be a potentially long-term partner sleeps with him on a first date: then, he may well not call again.

Why should this be? Why do only some girls make the relationship grade, where others are forever consigned to the 'it's only sex' bargain bin? To be honest, it's not something that we think about clearly.

Maybe it's the lack of a challenge. Or maybe it's that in our heads we'd like all of our girlfriends to have never felt the touch of another man's hand - and in sleeping with us on the first date, they've proven themselves not to be quite as pure as we'd like.

However, there is an addendum to this reasoning, since it only seems to apply to women we did not know previously. I and several of my friends have had friendships with girls which have gone on to the 'next level'.

The first date with a friend is a different kettle of fish entirely, since you both know each other well and there has obviously been some buildup to this happening (and possibly weeks of flirting).

You've both acknowledged that you have moved beyond the friendship stage and that something is going to happen. It's basically as if you've bypassed all of the dating and gone straight to the relationship.

In this case it's probably fine to sleep with the bloke - he will call, and probably the next day. Again, it's odd manly double standards. As shallow as we seem, men do like to build up an emotional relationship as well as a physical one.