Dear Paula,
I've been going out with my man-friend for almost two years. We enjoy each other's company but he's never said he loves me. He mentions his ex a lot, he was married for many years but she left him and went off with someone else, after having many other affairs.

He still has photos of the two of them on the walls which I don't really like and none of me. He admitted to driving past her house sometimes out of nosiness. He claims to hate her but I am not sure.I wish he would appreciate me more - I know am a very attractive woman, easy going and I've tried very hard to make him love me but I am wondering if I'm wasting my time. I'd like to move in with him some day and hopefully get married, but I'm afraid to raise the subject. He is very pro-marriage but I think his ex's behaviour has put him off. Any advice?

Dear Paula writes:
You've let your man get too comfortable and he's taking you for granted. Some women make the mistake of being too understanding and putting up with things that maybe they shouldn't. Perhaps you should tell him you're sick of hearing about the past and more interested in where he intends to be in the future.

Ask him why he's hanging on to something that's long gone by having photos of the two of them displayed around the place. I don't want to dishearten you but there are men who use things like that to avoid new(ish) partners from making demands on them and keeping some distance. His ex is always there between you.

I think you should ask whether he's willing to leave her behind and focus on what he has with you. He could demonstrate his willingness by shutting up about her and taking the pictures down. He's not doing right by you and I don't think you have much to lose by taking the risk of confronting him about it all because if he's not willing to move on from her and demonstrate some sort of commitment to you, why are you wasting your time with him?

I think the phrase "I've tried hard to make him love me" is a telling one. You've tried too hard to be accommodating with all his nonsense and he's not giving your relationship the respect it deserves. Surely you're worth more than you're getting. Start making some demands to be treated properly and if he can't do it, ditch him and find someone who appreciates what you have to give. Too many men don't know when they're well off. It's time they learned!