Dear Paula,
I need some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for near enough 18 months. We have had some good times and some horrid times but we have got through them as stronger people. He has now dropped a BIG BOMBSHELL.

He has told me he has been intimate with another male on two occasions. He now wants me to participate in a threesome with another guy. Listening to what he has done is one thing but to see it, I don't know how I would feel.

He has said that he would forget the whole threesome thing but that has left me thinking if I don't, he will go and see a man behind my back. I'm confused as to what to do. I believe a threesome would break us but if I don't go through with it, will that break us too?

Can I continue in a relationship in which my boyfriend is bi-sexual? Can I trust him? It has taken 18 months for him to come clean about this. What else could he be hiding? Please, please, please help me!
Dear Paula writes:
When it comes to sex, my advice is always, don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. It's a delicate area and very much tied up with self-respect and identity. Don't let fear of losing him push you into something you're not happy about, as this will damage the relationship anyway.

If your boyfriend feels a need to express his bi-sexuality, this issue won't go away. His wish to involve you in his sexual adventures suggests that he doesn't want to give up his relationship with you or with same-sex partners so I can appreciate that you now have no confidence in him.

I don't think that what else he may be hiding is the real issue. The issue is that you don't trust him anymore and trust is fairly critical in relationships unless you are one of those people who can work on the 'what you don't know can't hurt you' principle.

There are, of course, relationships in which one partner can deal with the idea of the other having same-sex affairs but it takes a special person to be so understanding. I don't think you should do yourself the (probable) emotional damage of agreeing to the threesome as seeing him having sex with another man will change the way you feel about him and about yourself.

Whether you decide to trust him not to deceive you is for you to decide. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation but the best advice I can give you is that you should be true to your own feelings, even at the risk of losing him because if you do something that doesn't feel right to you, you may regret it and resent him for placing you in that situation.