Dear Paula,
I am a 22 year old girl and I was with my past boyfriend who was 21 for about two years. Obviously no one thought twice about this relationship and friends and family accepted it. However this relationship ended and then, six months ago, I met a wonderful man who treats me like a princess.

He helps me with my five year old son, takes me out and loks after me. Basically we seem to be on the same level in that we can talk and talk for hours and never get bored and we both love doing the same things together. Only he's 52, so we have a 30 year age gap. When we started getting to know each other, I knew he was older, but I thought early forties and that's why I continued to see him. When he told me how old he was I was already into deep to do anything about it.

I have told a few friends who think I am being stupid and should just get back with my ex. I haven't yet told my family because my boyfriend is the same age as my mum and I know how she will react. I really don't know what to do. I have really strong feelings for this guy and enjoy spending time with him but I don't want to lose my family and friends.

Dear Paula writes,
They say all's fair in love and war, so maybe this is one of those times when being economical with the truth might be called for. You thought your new man was a lot younger than he is, so he can obviously get away with it. Why not just tell your mum he's older than you but you don't know his age as it's him and not his age that is important to you.

You should be considering what you need and what is important to you. If you stay with this man however, you do have to think about how it might feel to be 40 with a 70 year old partner, the implications for any children involved and the fact that he could die well before you.

I'm bringing this up as you need to be ready for your mother to throw all this at you even if she thinks he's only 20 years older than you. She's obviously (from her point of view) in a no-win situation as she will worry for you and, at the same time, want you to be happy, as you seem to be with this man. I don't think you need to worry too much about your friends. They're not living your life and if they really care about you they'll come round eventually if this relationship lasts.

Having listed some possible disadvantages, if you feel you and your man are really happy and compatible, that can be a hard thing to find and the life experience an older man can bring to a relationship has its pluses. Hopefully he has learned patience and how to care for others and has a breadth of knowledge which makes sharing ideas stimulating. He's presumably also past the stage where he would feel that you having a child inhibits your ability to go out and party.

None of us knows how life will turn out and what the future hold and happiness is a precious thing which shouldn't be passed up lightly. Perhaps you should just go ahead and take what this relationship has to offer and try to impress upon your mother that you don't know where it's all going but that right now it's making you feel happy, special and cared for.(www.relate.org.uk)