7 steps to party like a lady

Want to avoid embarrassing antics and party with sophistication and decorum this year?

Sarah Tomczak, author of L Is For Lady, has some advice to see you through the modern minefield of party etiquette.

"Behaving like a lady can ensure you a place on every party guest list, make you the most popular girl in the office and yes, even help you procure the man of your dreams," according to Tomczak."Social graces not only make the world a much more pleasant place, but they make you a much more pleasant person."

Being a lady does not mean you have to sit at home, take up needlecraft and listen to classical music. Put your glad rags on and hit the town with a new, elegant mindset.

"You want to be the one guest without whom no party is complete," Tomczak says. "A little attention to such things as table manners and party-guest decorum might seem old fashioned, but it will pay off many times over.

"Friends and acquaintances will be charmed by your company and you'll find the biggest problem you have is squeezing all the social engagements into your calendar."

Tomczak guides you though the modern minefield of partying like a lady and avoiding those social faux pas that leave you cringing the morning after the night before.

7 steps to perfect guest etiquette
Want your name at the top of every must-do party list in town? Then you will need to perfect the behaviour of an 'effortless partygoer'. Tomczak gives her top ten tips for being the equivalent of a Superwoman guest.

1. Reply to an invitation promptly.
2. Arrive around 15 minutes after the 'start' time.
3. Bring the hostess a gift as well as something to drink.
4. Make an effort to socialise with people new to you. Help create a party atmosphere with jokes and anecdotes you know everyone will enjoy.
5. Offer your services to the host, whether it be passing around canapes or topping up glasses. Listen to the hostess's requests - head to the dining room when she requests or hit the dance floor so others will follow suit.
6. Don't flirt inappropriately.
7. Judge when the party is winding down and make a move to leave - try not to be the first or last to head home.

Conversation clangers
When the wine is free flowing party guests can easily drop a misguided conversation killer. So how do you climb out of the humungous hole that you've just dug for yourself?

When you've asked about a boyfriend who has run off with the babysitter, for instance, "offer a brief, sincere apology and change the subject quickly," Tomczak advises. "If you hadn't known already that the relationship was over, you're probably not close enough to discuss the intimate details anyway."

But if you've really put your size sixes in it and can sense your conversation partner's blood is boiling by the minute, assess your clanger carefully and use damage control. Tomczak says: "You don't want to dig yourself deeper into that hole with justifications or effusive apologies, so a swift change of subject could be in order.

"However, if your companion is outraged, there's no way around it - say sorry, before moving on to a less controversial subject. Fill any awkward silences with harmless questions or observations from which you can start up a new line of conversation."

Amazing grace
When you're working the perfect party dress - and have dazzling manners to match - don't ruin your ladylike behaviour by showing fellow guests your half-chewed canapes or dropping half your dinner down your frock. Tomczak reveals how to deal with life's dinner dilemmas.

"Try to eat a canapé in one bite," she advises. "Decline anything that looks too bulky - an overstuffed mouth is not ladylike. Avoid anything that leaves you with something to hold like a king prawn or chicken skewer."

"Beware of stones," warns Tomczak. "If your olive contains one and there are no receptacles provided for the pits, bring a napkin up to your mouth and discreetly spit the stone into it."

"Spoon your soup by scooping away from you, rather than towards you," Tomczak says. "Never put your entire spoon into your mouth - and never attempt to eat soup when wearing white."

Food stuck in your teeth? Combat the offending article in a ladylike manner. "If you can sense an offending article in your teeth, the best thing to do is to excuse yourself from the table and remove the dental deviant in the privacy of the bathroom," Tomczak says. "Never launch an attack while still at the table."

L Is For Lady by Sarah Tomczak is published by Apple Press, £9.99. Available now.